MÈRE Stories: Garrett Wood
It's hard to wrap three years of secondary infertility into a few paragraphs, but I'll start by sharing how I currently feel about it all in hindsight, as I'm currently pregnant.
It's haunting. It's purposeful.
It was full of wisdom and learnings.
And pain.
Plus, it took energy away from my firstborn son.
As I sit here pregnant, it's still a mystery as to why our second IVF embryo transfer worked.
We had nothing "wrong" with us—afterall, we looked under every stone! From having 3 mold inspectors to our home, to gut detoxes, to natural hormonal balancing for two years, to acupuncture, to HyCoSy(s), to dutch hormone tests, to traveling and "relaxing" and getting root canals taken out—nothing had worked... until IVF did.
One thing we weren't prepared for was how hard IVF would be—and not just physically, (the drugs, the shots, the needles), mentally (the schedule, the preparation, the orders), or emotionally (surrendering to the unknown, not knowing "why," and the ups and downs). But energetically, the business of IVF itself, and particularly our clinic was hard to deal with.
I felt like an undercover journalist catching them on serious issues.
The level of advocacy I had to activate and uphold was unnerving and exhausting. What I found through connecting with other moms in my area via TikTok, is that it wasn't just a "me" problem. I became close with not only the patient advocate but the clinic regional manager!
After advocating to move my egg retrieval up due to estrogen levels hitting 4,000, I ended up having OHSS. The swelling was unbearable. Thank goodness I didn't take the doc's advice, "If you go a few more days you can get more eggs."
I got 34 eggs and made 20 embryos initially, so it felt purposeful, until I found out the clinic dropped 10 of my 20 embryos...on the floor.
After day 5/6, and PGTA testing we were left with 5 "healthy" embryos that had been dropped and "recovered" and 3 that were NOT dropped.
However, along the way we weren't totally clear on which ones were actually dropped.
After my first embryo transfer failed, I had the energy to do more testing for endometritis, endometriosis, or microbiome dysbiosis.
However, when the tests all came back negative I lost it.
I wanted to quit it all for a year, at least.
What was the point? Dare I risk an embryo if there's something wrong with my body? Questioning my health and wellness made me unwell!
However, as fate would have it, my best friend convinced me to try one more time... and that time?
It worked.
Secondary infertility is stressful, it's mysterious.
It realigns the plans you had for yourself and your life and it has you question everything—from your marriage to your home, to your purpose and more. It's truly a dark night of the soul, except it lasts many nights.
I'm still advocating during this pregnancy, whether it's talking to other IVF mamas, or voicing my opinions on Informed Consent in Labor and Delivery, it feels hard sometimes, however, there's nothing I won't do to support this pregnancy, and others that were truly fought for! So many mamas are going to the ends of the earth to bring their babies here.
If you had to summarize your journey in motherhood with all its challenges, how would you describe it now? How have you found a way to reclaim your strength or identity? What have you learned?Sharing my journey with secondary infertility on TikTok helped me process and it connected me with others, which made me feel less alone. I joke that TikTok helped me get pregnant/ survive IVF.
To summarize my journey as a mom: its been full of learnings.
If giving birth to my firstborn son in 2021 (which was a four day long, horrible induction, that luckily ended well!) was my "freshman year" of motherhood, it was hard but doable.
This fourth year of motherhood, akin to a "senior year" of college? It felt like double black diamond skiing, and our second baby isn't even here yet! From IVF and it's emotional challenges, to navigating my son's foray into preschool, there is so much to hold!
For me, sharing my story helps me make sense of it all. What I've learned is that motherhood is the hardest and more rewarding and purposeful era of my life.
What advice or words of encouragement would you give another mom walking through a similar chapter? Don't give up. Listen to your heart.
Try to find time for yourself—even if just to have space to process it all.
Make a social media account, even if you never post your videos, and record yourself!
It's so helpful to get it all out and hear yourself release the stress and the story!
How has your journey changed you, both in ways you expected and in ways you never could have imagined?My son's 4 day long induction made me realize I was so much strong physically than I realized.
I thought that + postpartum anxiety recalibrated me into a stronger, brighter, mentally tougher human...and then IVF came along and somehow I guess, I needed to become even stronger, brighter and mentally tougher.
I never knew I'd be handed such heart-opening challenges.
— Garrett Wood
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