Grief after loss is deeply personal, but it is also a human, embodied response to love interrupted.
October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month and a time to honor the lives of babies gone too soon and to acknowledge the silent grief that many parents are carrying.
To those reading this article that have experienced pregnancy and/or infant loss, we see you and we are so sorry for the loss of your precious baby or babies.
We see the strength it takes to carry on when your heart is aching.
We see the way the world moves forward while you feel and are forever changed.
We long to honor your story whether spoken or held quietly within.
We are committed to holding space for your pain, your healing and your hope.
Perinatal loss, whether it occurs within the first or second trimester, in the final weeks of pregnancy, or in the first weeks after birth, shakes the very foundation of how you understand yourself, your body, and your future. It is not “just a medical event.” It is an emotional, physical, and relational experience that carries layers of meaning.
You may grieve the baby you never got to hold, the vision of motherhood that was forming, or the feeling of safety in your own body.
Grief after loss is deeply personal, but it is also a human, embodied response to love interrupted.
In this article, I will outline first and second trimester pregnancy loss, stillbirth, as well as the stages of grief. In a subsequent article, I will highlight neonatal loss and a few considerations in thinking about therapeutic support.
Loss in Early or Mid-Pregnancy
Pregnancy loss includes miscarriage, chemical pregnancy, ectopic pregnancy, termination for medical reasons (TFMR), molar pregnancy, blighted ovum, selective reduction, and stillbirth (loss after 20 weeks).
Our culture often minimizes early losses such as chemical pregnancies, ectopic pregnancies, and first trimester miscarriages, offering phrases like “you can try again” or “at least it was early.”
But all pregnancy loss is profoundly disorienting and likely feels like sudden silence that follows what once felt so full of possibility.
For many women, there is also the trauma of the physical process of loss itself such as experiencing bleeding and cramping at home, undergoing a D&C procedure at the hospital or clinic, or facing the shock of seeing or passing a baby’s body.
In these moments it is common to question what is happening to your body, “Is this normal?” “Am I okay?” “Why does this feel so out of control?” Your body which once held life is now releasing it, and that experience can feel frightening, confusing, and profoundly lonely.
These moments can be deeply distressing and may linger as sensory or emotional memories long after the physical recovery ends.
When the Loss is a Stillbirth
Stillbirth is defined as the death of a baby after 20 weeks of pregnancy, and it is a uniquely devastating kind of loss. It is both a birth and a death, often experienced within the same day. You may have gone through labor, held your baby, studied their features, and felt the enormity of love and loss all at once.
The days and weeks after can feel surreal. Your body may still respond as though your baby were alive by producing milk, recovering from delivery, healing from labor. Yet your arms are empty.
The contrast between the physical and emotional realities can make stillbirth grief feel especially complex and disorienting.
Alongside the grief, many mothers also carry the trauma of the experience itself including the hospital environment, medical decisions, sensory memories, and the moments leading up to or following birth.
These experiences can leave the nervous system on high alert, causing flashbacks and nightmares, or a sense of detachment from one’s body. Tending to this trauma is just as important as tending to the grief.
*Cue three deep breaths…*
What to Expect from Grief
Grief after pregnancy loss does not follow a neat timeline.
I share with clients that it often comes in waves, sharp at first, then unpredictable. Many women describe moments of functioning followed by sudden surges of emotion that catch them off guard and bring them to their knees (literally).
This does not mean you’re “going backward.” It means your heart is trying to integrate something it was never prepared for… “Our children are not supposed to die before us” are words my clients and I often say or cry out in therapy sessions. Those very words are the reversal of the order we’re told to expect and they carry a grief words can barely contain.
You may notice:
Emotional swings: sadness, anger, guilt, confusion, or even numbness. Sometimes these feelings shift within minutes.
Physical reminders: hormonal changes, postpartum bleeding, or milk production can deepen the ache. Your body remembers even as your mind tries to move forward.
Changes in relationships: your partner, friends, or family may grieve differently, or struggle to find the right words. It is common to feel both supported and unseen.
Triggers: medical appointments, pregnancy announcements, baby showers, or certain dates can reopen tenderness.
Spiritual or existential questions: “Why me?” or “Where is God in this?” may surface as you try to make sense of something that feels senseless.
The Kübler-Ross Model suggests that there are five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, meaning-making/acceptance.
I am reminded often, both personally and professionally, that acknowledging grief (whatever the stage!) is an act of courage. Healing can feel slow and frustrating, and it requires patience and self-compassion with your body, your emotions, and your relationships.
While grief is not linear, honoring your loss while moving gently toward healing is both natural and necessary.
Should you need support, it would be an honor to care for you. You can book directly with Becca Hamilton | LPC, PMH-C below or click HERE to schedule a free intro call with our Clinical Advocate to discuss how MÈRE can become a part of your village.
Sources & Resources: Osborn, S. (2020). The Miscarriage Map Workbook: A Healing Guide for Women Experiencing Early Pregnancy Loss. | Warren, B. (2019). Healing from Reproductive Trauma: A Therapist’s Guide to Supporting Women After Pregnancy Loss, Infertility, and Trauma. | Kübler-Ross, E., & Kessler, D. (2005). On Grief and Grieving: Finding the Meaning of Grief Through the Five Stages of Loss. | American Psychological Association. (2020). Grief and loss during pregnancy and postpartum. | Postpartum Support International (PSI). (2023). Pregnancy and infant loss resources. | Center for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC). (2023). Stillbirth: Facts and statistics.