Postpartum Beyond Birth: Honoring Every Mother in Adoption
November marks National Adoption Month which is an opportunity to honor the complexity, courage, and profound love embedded in every adoption story.
Adoption is both an act of expansion and an act of surrender. It carries joy, longing, grief, hope, identity, and deep attachment work for everyone involved.
As perinatal health clinicians, we hold a special lens for the postpartum body and mind because postpartum is not defined solely by giving birth, but by the transition into parenthood, identity, and attachment.
And that transition affects both the birth mother and the adopting mother in powerful, and often unspoken ways.
The Birth Mother: A Postpartum Without a Baby in Her Arms
For birth mothers, the postpartum period includes the full physiological, emotional, and psychological effects of birth even when they are not taking a baby home.
The body still heals. Hormones still shift. The nervous system still recalibrates after labor or surgery. And grief, pride, ambivalence, and love can coexist in ways that are difficult to name out loud.
Some birth mothers describe feeling “invisible postpartum,” because the world assumes postpartum only applies to the mother who is parenting.
Yet their postpartum mind may be holding:
Physical recovery from birth
Intense hormonal fluctuations
Grief or relief (often both)
Questions about identity and the meaning of motherhood
Deep love for the child they carried
Worry about whether they are allowed to seek support
Affirming the birth mother’s postpartum experience is not only compassionate, it’s clinically necessary. Their minds and bodies deserve care, recognition, and emotional holding.
The Adopting Mother: Postpartum Without Pregnancy
For adopting mothers, there is often a different version of postpartum—one shaped by anticipation, longing, preparation, and the sudden shift into full-time caregiving.
Their postpartum experience may not include labor, but it absolutely includes:
Overnight identity transformation
Sleep disruption and physical depletion
High expectations of gratitude or immediate bonding
Pressure to “get it right” after waiting for so long
Navigating birth family relationships and open-adoption boundaries
The emotional load of becoming a mother through a nontraditional path
Many adoptive mothers worry that their struggles are “not allowed” because they did not give birth. But postpartum mental health concerns, such as anxiety, intrusive thoughts, depression, overwhelm, do not discriminate based on how a baby enters a family.
Adopting mothers also deserve permission and support to process their transition, deepen attachment, and receive care.
The Power and Courage Within Adoption
Adoption is never a single event, rather it is a lifelong relational process shaped by courage, vulnerability, and devotion. It asks every parent involved to hold nuanced and sometimes contradictory emotions. It asks clinicians to make space for all of it without judgment.
What makes adoption powerful is not its perfection but the depth of humanity within it.
A birth mother making an excruciating, loving choice
An adopting mother stepping into motherhood with tenderness and humility
A child who is held by the love of more than one mother
Families redefined by connection rather than biology
National Adoption Month reminds us that adoption is rooted in love, but perhaps also in loss, and that acknowledging both is what makes space for healing.
A Call for Compassionate Care
Whether you are a birth mother, an adopting mother, or supporting someone who is, know this: Your emotional landscape matters. Your postpartum experience is valid. Your story deserves to be honored with gentleness and truth.
This November, may we continue broadening the definition of postpartum, deepening our empathy for every parent touched by adoption, and recognizing the profound strength it takes to build a family in this way.
Sources:
On Birth Mothers and Postpartum Mental Health
American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists (ACOG). Postpartum Care for Mothers.
Smith, S. L. (2007). "Safeguarding the Rights of Birthparents in the Adoption Process." Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute.
Henney, S. M. (2014). Birthparent Experiences Post-Adoption Placement. Journal of Social Work.
On Adoptive Parents and Postpartum Adjustment
McKay, K. et al. (2018). “Perinatal Mood and Anxiety Disorders in Adoptive Parents.” Journal of Affective Disorders.
Grotevant, H. & McRoy, R. (1998). Openness in Adoption. Sage Publications.
Postpartum Support International (PSI). Adoptive Parents & Postpartum Depression.
On Attachment & Adoption
Brodzinsky, D. (2011). “Children’s Adjustment to Adoption: Developmental and Clinical Perspectives.” Current Opinion in Psychology.
Bowlby, J. (1969). Attachment and Loss (foundational attachment science).
On National Adoption Month & Adoption Trends
U.S. Children’s Bureau. National Adoption Month Resources.
Child Welfare Information Gateway. Adoption Data and Statistics.