MÈRE Stories: Katie McKeen
Nicole asked me to do this a while back, and I’ve been putting it off. Now I’m starting to wonder if I’ve been doing that on purpose because it’s hard to talk about. Anyway, here we go.
My name is Katie. I’m 35 years old and I have 2 daughters—Carden is almost 4 and Grace is 20 months.
I work part time as a speech pathologist in hospitals and I would say I’m also an “aspiring influencer”. I post about family friendly activities in the Atlanta area.
After Carden was born, I was re-hospitalized with post partum preeclampsia and had to spend 2 nights away from her.
I ended up with severe post partum anxiety/depression. I was eventually put on Zoloft and went to therapy.
But I literally could barely be left alone for the first 6 weeks of Carden’s life because I was such a wreck.
Carden also had feeding issues/colic so that did not help either. My mom moved in with us for those weeks because she was so worried about me.
This sounds so messed up but I would stare at the train behind my house and wonder what schedule it was on in case I decided I’d had enough. I don’t think I ever would have done anything but I surely had intrusive thoughts.
Around 10-12 weeks, I started to feel more like myself. But I still had a hard time getting out of the house. And whenever I would, I realized not everything was super “family friendly”.
Hence my instagram account @famfriendlyatl was born around Carden’s 1st birthday.
I had postpartum preeclampsia again after Grace.
My anxiety wasn’t nearly as bad. But she ended up being diagnosed with asthma and cerebral palsy. We’ve spent about 25 days at Children’s across 4 hospitalizations. She’s not walking yet and still has to drink formula because she has feeding issues and is not eating much.
So…I definitely struggle with worrying about her future. But with my healthcare background I feel like she was meant to be mine. God has sent me little signs to let me know things will be ok.
If you had to summarize your journey in motherhood with all its challenges, how would you describe it now? How have you found a way to reclaim your strength or identity? What have you learned?Let’s be honest—I wouldn’t be surviving motherhood without my mom, my housekeeper, daycare, moms day out, oh and my husband :)
One big thing I realized is that I have to ask for help—which I HATE doing.
I am definitely a control freak, but I’ve had to learn to delegate and let things go. Like today I took a nap while Grace napped instead of doing the 263826282 chores on my list. That’s crazy behavior for me but you just can’t do it all.
You’ve got to find your village!
What advice or words of encouragement would you give another mom walking through a similar chapter? You are not alone. This is totally normal.
I wish SOMEONE would have told me you could literally go crazy after having a baby and not recognize yourself. I felt like no one understood what I was going through at the time. But it turns out PPA/PPD is more common that I knew.
Also…you have to have a sense of humor :)
How has your journey changed you, both in ways you expected and in ways you never could have imagined?I am so much stronger than I ever knew.
I am so much more resilient than I ever knew.
There is seriously nothing better than being a mom.
All the hard is so worth their sweet smiles/giggles/love.
I don’t want them to grow up!
— Katie McKeen
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